The successful way to date on TINDER
The Guide to successful dating on Tinder (or Happen)
By Lorraine Adams Top Matchmaker with 16 year track record of success
Dating on an app of this kind can become a tiresome, energy draining exercise. However with the right approach it can also be massively fulfilling. It all depends on your TAM:
The first thing to remember is to think of it like a project. Give yourself goals and a time frame so you feel like there is some kind of organisation to it.
I would suggest a one-month time frame for this project to begin with. Then lay off the search for a month – to savour the first months work and maybe having a second go at it the following month if need be.
Make a note of the date, sit down one evening and go through swiping yes to 50-100 profiles. Do not go for the ones you are instantly attracted to, you can allow a few of those to be filtered in but make sure you select an equal amount of profiles you would normally just have as maybe’s.
- Do not message ANY of them first – just wait for mutual match
- Do not return contact Immediately after to those who contact you– give it at least a few hours or even the next day
- Delete them if they are lewd or sexual in their contact – even if they are your favourites, do not make contact back with any of these.
- Be brief in your communication
- Be slightly playful, I call it banter - but draw a line between fun and being outwardly flirtatious. Keep it just fun.
- Ask if they fancy meeting for a Coffee and Company
- Meet at a central well populated area
- Tell friends where you are heading
- If they cancel or try and re-organise at the last minute – delete and stop all contact with them
- Do not send more than 4/5 messages if they do not agree or get around to agreeing to actually meet.
You have to maintain a non-emotional attitude to the process. Tell yourself you are very unlikely to meet the man of your dreams during the first month. Go in to it with a light-hearted attitude. Be open-minded, it is a fact that 79% of happy couples did not find their partner physical attractive initially – so you are actually more likely to start a relationship with the ones who do NOT jump straight our at you.
Go - on the date with the attitude that you are meeting a new person and that you are going to enjoy getting to know them.
Do not go – on the date with the attitude that this could be the ‘one’ and then exude disappointment in the first few minutes and give up.
Keep the conversation light and playful.
- Do not talk about an ex and if he does steer him off immediately – with a line like ‘Oh did you not realise this is an ex free zone’ (That’s banter, that’s playful)
- Do not talk about a future together or what he likes – doesn’t like, or what you are looking for
- Do just get to know more about the person. Make it your mission to find out what makes him tick – and try and feed him the information or guide the conversation to show him what makes you tick
- If he has bad dating habits try and guide him back onto the right track of good dating habits in a natural steering way.
- Try and play down your ‘busy’ schedule – one of the most off putting things for a man is meeting a woman who appears like her life is massively busy. Most men like to meet a woman who they feel has time to invite a man into their lives and make room for him
- Do not ask for a second date
- Instead touch his arm after the date and say ‘ it was great to meet you, get in touch if you want to meet again.
- Do this even if you do not find him attractive
- The only time you should not follow the number ‘7’ guideline is if he was rude and horrible. If he was pleasant but there was no chemistry, follow through with step 7.
- Never drink alcohol on the first date
- Only stay for an hour or so on your first date
- A quick kiss on the cheek, or touching lips is as far as it goes on the first date.
- As a general rule, a long kiss is acceptable on a second date but no further.
- It is perfectly ok to show you are attracted or to mention that during ‘kissing’ time but always make it clear you ALWAYS need to get to know someone first before you follow a sexual route with the men you meet
- You should NEVER take the early fledgling liaison sexual until you have met at least 5-6 times.
- If he texts straight after your date - wait a couple of hours before responding back, possibly even the next day.
- Never text first after a first date
- If he is lewd or sexual after your first date, delete and do not contact him again – even if you really fancied him.
Your mind-set during your first month is that you are trying to grow a ‘band of men’ around you. You are NOT wasting time – these are extremely important first steps to ensure you attract the right kind of guys into your life. Even if you do not recognise that they are the right kind of guys initially.
When you have 5/6 or even more guys vying for your attention you find that your self-esteem expands and you generally feel more like yourself. You tend to appear more relaxed with everyone and suddenly things do not seem quite so contrived.
If you get to be dating 4/5 men and you really do not feel there is any chance of a possible romance then just gradually send less and less response to his communication until he fades away. Never have the ‘Dear John’ conversation. All the time he feels that there is a chance with you, he will pursue you.
Get it out of your mind that you are wasting his time, or yours, as this is definitely NOT a waste of time, it is crucial block building to get you in the right mind-set . Always try and wait until he contacts you, try not to initial contact following your dates.
Most people I coach with this method end up dating someone regularly during the first month. Do not be tempted to cancel the other dates or send ‘Dear John’ messages to the others until the more serious one that you connect with makes an actual commitment to you that he wants you to be his girlfriend, or that he wants you to be a couple. Only then do you stop seeing the other guys.
Lorraine Adams is happy to answer any queries about this approach. Or decipher messages you are reading as mixed to ensure you do not go off track Contact info@coffeeandcompany
by Lorraine Adams