WHY AM I STILL SINGLE

Amber Neal

Amber Neal has been coined "The Innovator" in the dating industry. She has been helping singles for over 10 years dishing out tough love to her clients for many years. Her gift of discernment along with her experience as National Director (multiple states) in the Dating Industry prior to going to work for herself as a Matchmaker make her the most experienced and versatile Relationship Expert in the Industry. For more information, go towww.ambernealpresents.com

1) Do you think a woman should persevere and have follow up dates with men who they like but do not feel they have chemistry with?

I read a survey once that said out of 100 women polled, 75% of them admitted that they were NOT attached to their partner at all when they first met him. The oldest form of Matchmaking is arranged marriages where your family decides who you marry. Physical beauty is not even a consideration because it's deeper than looks. Anytime you base a relationship on things that can fade like looks or money, you are basing your relationship around the EGO which is selfish, which often times will leave you disappointed and feeling alone in a relationship. There is a thin line between confidence and self-absorbed. Anyone that is so in love with looks as a #1 requirement will often be doomed to a life of break ups and let downs. Just know that lust looks a lot like love, which is ego driven and selfish and has less chance for longevity. Anything cultivated around inner beauty, culture, and the spiritual aspect have a much more solid footing. 

2) What common mistakes do most women make when seeking a partner?

They have a list. I have been saying for years to get rid of the list. Women often think that if a guy matches all of the requirement on their checklist, then he must be "the one". Even though, blind dates are not my favorite way to match my clients, I have realized that women so often times don't even know what they want and so the blind date is the best way to keep them open minded. Keep an open mind, you never know until you find out for yourself, versus listening to someone like a family member that has been divorced 3 times, or a friend that is total man hater. Be careful who you seek advice from, especially when it comes to your circle of friends because not everyone in your circle wants to see you happy. There is a reason that there is a saying "misery loves company". 

3) What would you say are the top three or four key attributes that appeal to men?

#1 In today’s world, women have careers! Men have accepted our progress into the work place and support women being independent financially, however, when they are looking for a personal relationship, they still tend to be drawn to a woman that needs them, appreciates them and doesn't try to compete with them. Once they feel that you are competing with them, they will then put you in a friend zone and game on! 
 

#2 So many women say "I don't NEED a man!" There is always an exception to every rule, but most men, are hard wired to want to be the provider because they are hunters by nature. Once you tell a man he isn't needed, you run the risk of losing him. 

 #3 Yes, we have come a long way in the movement for women, however we have changed, not men. They still look for someone that isn't sleeping with everyone around her. They want her to have confidence in herself enough to know her worth and not be so easy to get. You never see a deer lay down in front of a lion so a girl that gives "it" up too soon, will lose in most cases. The most part of landing someone for them is the chase.

#4 Be humble and let him lead. You can have an equal partnership, however, he is supposed to be the leader of the home. If you don't allow him to be the leader and instead, you emasculate him, then he will seek the comfort of someone that makes him feel like a king. 

 4) What do you find most frustrating about your role as a Match-maker?

The most frustrating part of being a Matchmaker is also the most rewarding and that is coaching. Coaching is great when they listen. It is when my clients are "un-coachable" that my role as a Matchmaker gets frustrating the most. 

5) Is there an age when it gets much harder for a woman to find love?

One of the biggest things I stress to the ladies under 30 is not NOT waste a single day on the wrong man. I can't tell you how much harder it is to find love once you put a 4 at the beginning of your age and double that trouble with every decade longer. Granted, being a cougar is the new "in thing" in the dating world; however that again is based around lust not love and so really, again you are wasting time and racking up more miles on your body. This new cougar generation has flipped dating on its ear because so many times you will meet a guy that wants you to take care of him and be the provider. I don't know about you, but my battery operated boyfriend is a lot cheaper and lot less headaches. So while being a cougar seems appealing to some, if you are looking for Mr. Right that you don't have to support, you might want to not waste your time with boy toys or meaningless relationships.