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Coffee & Company date coaching and Match making services

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Want to fall in Love? Just not happening for you? Here's why!

Falling in love - why isnt it happening!

Ok, so you want to fall in love? It may have happened easiliy enough when you were younger, it may not have happened at all, or it may keep happening, but with the wrong types of people. Ive been a romance expert for 15 years. I successfully match couples together. Over the years i have learned from my clients, i have probably come across every known scenario, i am also in my 50's and having made all the common mistakes myself i have finally made it happen for myself. Im setteled with my partner of ten years.

I run which is a very successful match making agency. However im not here trying to sell memberships as i get plenty of clients through word of mouth, i dont even advertise now because apart from the one or two nice articles that get written about me every year the rest of my clients come via recommendation from other clients who i have matched...or their friends etc.

I tell my clients right from the start how the process works, and the likeliness that they are going to meet someone and fall in love. I explain that if they put their faith in me totally and do whatever i say, it will happen sooner rather than later. If they cling on to their old tried and tested (unsuccessful) habits then they may be in it for the long haul. I also explain that i am more flexible on the amount of introductions i make for them if they follow my methods, than if they remain picky and choosy. I usually offer a 6-8 introduction membership or an 8-12 introduction membership. If a client is always mindful of not wanting to 'waste' an introduction by meeting someone i have recommended who they dont think (on paper) they would be attracted to i stick ridgidly to the amount of dates we are contracted to. If a client works with me and meets everyone i suggest more or less i dont really pay too much attention to the total number of introductions because i am totally confident - providing they follow my guidance in early fledgling relationships - that they will fall in love fairly quickly anyway!

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So, here's the thing. The client usually has a whole wishlist, they start by saying "im really open minded" and insist they dont have a wish list, then they continue by saying 'but these are the things that are important to me'. You see most people have a particular type of person who they think they want/need to fall in love with. This can be someone similar to who they have previously been in love with, or polar opposite to a past love or someone they see as similar to their friends partners. Or it could just be someone they feel they 'desserve' or perhaps someone similar to a fictional character on TV or the movies.

I always ask them, 'do you want to fall in love' or 'do you only want to fall in love with the person you have in your mind'. Bear in mind statistically - only 21% of happy couples who have been together for more than five years found each other attractive immediately, a staggering 79% said they were NOT attracted to their partners straight away and that the attraction grew over time. So - if you are someone who only allows something to flourish if there is an immediate chemistry, you are actually allowing narly 8 out of ten possible romance opportunities to pass you by. Its with this in mind that i firstly ask my clients to meet people even if they dont think they are going to be attracted to them when they see their profile/picture on paper, and i also ask them to see people a few times (even if they dont think they will ever be attracted to them) if there is some synergy. Obviously if you are bored silly, or feel physically sick, or the person is draining your energy then theres no point. But if there is something positive you can draw from the date its always worth seeing them again. Because heres the thing - if you have a band of 'potential suitors' around you - even if none yet feel like they are contenders, it is the best possible scenario to be in to attract others! In fact i always tell my clients that even if their love life has been baron for months/years - the minute they start dating regularly you can bet your life that romance opportunities are going to be popping up left right and centr and it will only be a matter of time before the right one in there in front of you.

My best advice is to try and put out of your mind what package you feel your perfect match will be. Allow your mind to be completely open - wouldnt it be lovely to feel wonderfully in love, keep telling  yourself that. You may have target men/women in mind - but you might not be their target man/woman. Its so hit and miss. When i met my partner i didnt like the way he was dressed, i didnt particularly prefer his physique, i certainly didnt like his moustache and i didnt like the fact that he wasnt entrpreneurial like myself. He wasnt as sophiticated as i would have liked and he could have been an inch or so taller. But boy oh boy did i end up eventually falling head over heels in love and he with me! I can tell you there are some things i managed to change, his dress sense, the moustache went and never came back and was replaced with some very attractive designer stubble, which even though its now greying makes him look so handsome. He never did grow any taller, and has only mastered a little bit of sophitication. I cant get excited talking about business or ideas with him as he is just not interested - however i have friends who fall into the category of sharing my entrepreneurial passions so dont need my partner to tick that box. He has also introduced me to some amazing things i would never have learned or seen or experienced had it not been for him which has made me love him even more. There is always room for improvement, there are still things i would 'like' him to be or to act. But i have never met a couple who are so totally in sync with each other and its unrealistic to expect that from a relationship.

Its important you keep your friends, your identity and its important you dont become all consumed with your love. 

So my next blog is going to be about the four keys to becoming that person that people are more likely to fall in love with - because at least this gives you more choice, you dont just want to be given one choice of love- you want to be able to select - so its important that all your potentials are also falling in love with you!!!

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by Lorraine Adams