How to Avoid the Bitter Infertility Spiral
I help women from all over the world who—for reasons ranging from age or fear to past trauma or health issues—are experiencing difficulty getting pregnant. Beyond the fact that being able to give birth is one of the most fundamental human urges, the societal norms surrounding women becoming mums can make this an especially painful thing for many women. Just ask any thirty-something woman who doesn’t actually want to have children how often she gets asked when she’s going to have kids.
So often I hear some variation of this from my clients: “Just last week, I thought I was making progress in changing my mindset about getting pregnant and then I got an invitation to my cousin’s baby shower and immediately felt bitter, jealous, upset and didn’t want to go.”
It’s important to realise that you can only feel jealous of something if you believe you can never have it. When you allow your mind to perpetuate this response, what you are actually doing is telling your body that the baby shower, the invitations, the excitement and the future of motherhood is not for you. That nature has said no to you having a baby. While this may be your initial gut reaction or response, you have to be proactive in reversing this as soon as possible. You must go to the baby shower in order to get ideas for your own shower and you must walk through the baby shops to pick out a present and take note of all the things you want to buy when you get pregnant.
The simple truth is this: the body will do what the mind tells it to. Think about people who run races of over 100 miles or weight lifters who lift twice their body weight as though it’s light as a feather. They are able to complete those extraordinary feats because of the mental power they are exerting over their body. The good news is, getting pregnant isn’t an extraordinary physical feat. It’s a natural process that will happen when you remove all the mental baby blocks you’ve put in your body’s way. That is why so many women who adopt or have an IVF baby go on to have a natural pregnancy quite soon afterwards. This happens because they are no longer in the blocked state but instead, see and accept themselves as a parent which influences their fertility in a positive way.
If you’re feeling the baby blocks of bitterness and jealousy, realise that nothing about those emotions is conducive to getting you pregnant. Do proactive things: visit a message board where previously infertile women talk about their baby success; create a Pinterest baby board or a real life one; buy a book of baby names; walk through the nappy aisle in the store with the knowledge that one day soon, this will be for you. If these things feel unnatural, it’s only because the baby blocks in your mind are stronger than the mental assurance that you’re going to get pregnant. It’s your job to reverse this.
I promise you this works. Just this week I got two emails from past readers and clients with my favourite subject line “Good News :)” I want to receive that same email from you. For more information on how to release your baby blocks, consult my Get Pregnant Programme and my book Trying to Get Pregnant and Succeeding.
by Marisa Peer